Nurturing emotional resilience: supporting children through sensory meltdowns
Let’s face it.
If you’ve been around young children at all, you know a thing or two about meltdowns. It’s not if a meltdown is going to happen, it’s when.
We’re going to unpack what to do about sensory meltdowns, but first let’s define what a meltdown is…and what it isn’t.
How is a tantrum different from a meltdown?
A tantrum is MUCH different than a meltdown. With a tantrum, children still have some control over their behavior and the behaviors will stop rather quickly if they either get what they want or if they aren’t given attention. With a meltdown, the child loses control of their emotions and cannot regain the control easily or without support. Generally, a child does not have a meltdown on purpose, as it’s not a pleasant feeling to feel out of control. Meltdowns are often associated with sensory overload and difficulty coping with the sensory input the child is receiving. Think too loud, too bright, too hot/cold, too unexpected, too much stimulation all at once, and the child is unable to filter out some of the stimulation.
What should I do when my child is having a meltdown?
In the midst of a meltdown, a caregiver’s main job is to provide a safe and supportive environment without shaming or adding to their stress or embarrassment.
How you respond to your child will largely depend on their age, their cognitive and language abilities (keeping in mind that during a meltdown we lose the ability to communicate effectively), their sensory preferences and even their diagnosis, if they have one. With that in mind, here are some general tips to help lessen a meltdown.
Tips to hold space during a sensory meltdown:
Get control of your own emotions before trying to help with your child’s big feelings. Yes, sometimes this is easier said than done. However, it’s a crucial step that can’t be emphasized enough. Children look to adults for cues on how to respond to challenging situations. By staying calm, you can model self-regulation and reassure your child that they are safe.
Be present. Sit or lie down on the child's level to show you are fully present and attentive to their needs. Often, just the act of making your body lower than your child’s body can quickly de-escalate the situation. Make eye contact if it feels comfortable for your child, but respect their boundaries if they prefer not to be touched or looked at directly.
Offer reassurance and comfort. Often, the best communication is no spoken communication during a meltdown, which is an important and difficult skill to achieve. If needed, use soothing, quiet and empathetic language to communicate with your child. Validate their emotions by saying things like, "I can see this is hard for you. I'm here to help you." Avoid phrases that may inadvertently shame or invalidate their feelings, such as "You're overreacting,” or “You’re fine,” or "Stop crying."
Provide gentle physical touch. Some children find comfort in gentle physical touch during sensory meltdowns. Offer a hug, a hand on their shoulder, or a soft pat on the back if it feels appropriate and welcomed by your child. Always respect their personal space and boundaries.
Create a safe space. If possible, move your child to a quieter and less stimulating environment to help them regulate their sensory input. Dim the lights, reduce noise, and remove any potential triggers that may exacerbate their meltdown. Offering a sensory tool like a weighted blanket or a fidget toy can also help provide comfort and grounding.
Avoid criticism. Sometimes in our own state of sensory dysregulation, it’s easy to fall into the bad habit of blaming your child for something they don’t have control over. Avoid making comments like "You're being dramatic,” or "You're embarrassing me," as they can further escalate your child's distress and negatively affect their self-esteem. Instead, focus on offering support and protecting their self-worth.
Respect your child’s sensory preferences. Every child has their own unique way of regulating their emotions. Some need quiet time alone, while others seek comfort from a trusted adult. Respect your child's preferences and give them the space they need to calm down in their own time.
Process with them only after the meltdown is over. Validate your child’s feelings and encourage open communication about what triggered the meltdown. Talk about strategies they can use in the future to help avoid another meltdown. Reassure them that it's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes and that you are there to support them every step of the way.
Holding space during a meltdown teaches compassion, not only for the child who is having difficulty regulating their emotions, but for others who may be witnessing the meltdown.
